August 17 - An Email to Shelby

Maybe I will post a more refined description later, if not:

I'd rather say all this in person (maybe I'll get the chance to later), but:

1. Me: "Well in Heracles in Hylas my point of view got messed up over time becuase I took so long to write it. First Heracles was practically in love with Hylas but by the end he was so annoyed with the kid that he got sick of him, when I meant to keep their relationship the same."

Him: "Well you know that's more human though. Sometimes when you're around someone so much they start to annoy you but then... once you're apart from them you realise how much you missed them."

Ha.

2. Me: "Well, I have ten more minutes. What do you want to do?"

Him: "Want to waltz?"

And we do. This time he says I can't look at my feet so I'm looking right up at him. And I mess up a lot but we're really close this time--physically. Touching. Like his hip (if guys even techically have hips) is touching mine. Gulp. And I mess up and our legs get messed up and he's acting very nervous, but not in a "I hope people don't see us" way, strangely in a "I really like you way". Which is fun and good but also terrifyingly weird.

3. Him: "I brought some of my story for you to read. It's on my laptop."

I get really excited. Eventually: "And a total of how many people have read this story?"

"Zero. Well, unless you count me."

ZERO!!! I WAS THE FIRST!!

4. First hug. Interrupted by a custodian. I'm hugging and suddenly Mr Luck says awkwardly, "Oh, I'm--" and gets out of the hug. "Just saying goodbye to Sam." I turn around and see the custodian.

"Oh, just wanted to make sure you two weren't kids," she says. HAHAHAHA.

Second hug. I've never liked the sound of a heart beating at all, but this time we were so close I could hear his heart beating. Which was actually kind of cool.

Last hug. For the third time he says he's going to miss me. Kisses my hair (which I hope did not taste like shampoo because I was in a rush this morning and didn't get all the shampoo out of the left side of my hair--luckily he kissed the right). And I rub his back. And when we're done, oddly, he does a boyfriendy-girlfriendy thing and leaves his hands on my hips for a very long second. And we're both looking at each other--I swear he looks like he wants to kiss me--but doesn't. Thank the heavens, that might have been too weird. Or the custodian might have reappeared.

And all was scary and grand. I will explain more once I get to talk to you. Sorry for this lengthy rant, but I had to get it out of my system.

LOVEEEEE! And I want to hear about your first real day too when we talk!

"August 3rd--that's practically July!"

I can’t say it’s the end of an era, because I know it’s not. But it is.

It’s as if the story splits in two here. One part of this thread is cut, the other continues on.

This is what I always feared--a time you can never go back to and worse, a time you might one day forget. I’ll never be able to come back to the halls of bright red lockers, pass the trophy case that was once set on fire by a chem demo gone wrong and head into my favourite room of the school--usually finding it disappointingly empty or aggravatingly full. I can’t go back to the time where I was stranded in this little box of school--my only refuge being that one classroom, my only thoughts being “please, let this classroom save me, get me out of here” and it did.

It gave me a glimpse in to the future. Said it could only get better from here. Gave me a look at what it feels like to be accepted, nourished and intellectually awesome. Gave me a look at what a real conversation is made of--not just frivolous gossip and teenage complaints. Gave me a glimpse at being supported and gave me a whole lot of confidence boosts (but I needed every one of them). It showed me what the future will be like and for that, I call it the Ultimate Time Machine.

Now we’re bonded, but bonded because we chose to be. We’re not tied together anymore because we all live in the same space 5 days a week--no, we’re actually making an effort to come together. And it’s that effort that changes things, but also that effort that makes our bond so much stronger.